What Is Your Why?

What is your why? Some people know this all their lives; it took me a long time to find mine.

I had always felt out of place and uncomfortable with people, maybe because I was raised with adults, horses, and running around fields. I felt like I didn’t fit in anywhere with my peers. I believed that it was my place to take care of everyone. I was responsible for my sister, who was nearly five years younger than me. In my marriage, I continued to believe that it was my responsibility to be the breadwinner, take care of the family and do it all.

Know the feeling? If you do, you may understand how my future started to play out. At ten years old, I moved to Norfolk, and my new scenario was my parents and their friends meeting in pubs with the children left for the evening in the children’s room or car with a coke and a packet of crisps.

With my future step-sister, I started stealing my parents’ cigarettes and began to smoke. I didn’t really enjoy it, but I fitted in, and I felt like a grown-up.

When I was 13, my mother left with my father’s best friend, returning to take my nine-year-old sister. I stayed with Dad. Someone had to look after him, and I was scared I wouldn’t see him again if I left. 

He raised me to be a housekeeper, think like a man, get a trade and care for myself. As a result, I felt an overwhelming sense of duty and responsibility for my father and little sister, which followed me for the rest of my life. 

At this time, I began to dip into the whiskey bottle. It gave me a warm feeling. I never felt as though I had experienced a difficult childhood, maybe because I was, in my nature, a very positive and happy person.

As I got older, I found I was more relaxed and comfortable when I turned to my best friend, alcohol, for support and that warm, inclusive feeling. I drank to fit in, be happy, have fun, be a party girl but also when I was feeling sad, miserable, lonely, and unloved. Friends challenged me about my drinking habits. I believed I was having a good time. Many Sundays were wasted in my bed, recovering from a week of drinking.

By the time I was 40+, I felt like my life and thoughts were getting out of control. Times that I didn’t remember what I had done, what I had said, or who I had offended became more frequent. I am lucky because I recognised that alcohol wasn’t my best friend after all, and made adjustments. However, when I went to work at a local college, I noticed my old habit of drinking a glass or bottle of wine returning. As a result, I left my teaching and assessment role and began training for a new career as a therapist.

I am a lifelong learner.

Through my NLP and hypnotherapy training, and with the support and assistance of others, I made simple adaptations to my behaviours that enabled me to become more authentic. These changes have also positively impacted my relationships with others, and I feel compelled to share this with the world.

Our world is ever-changing and complex, as are we. Change is possible.  

Last year I learnt about the 3 Principles (3PGC). Gaining an understanding of the principles has significantly impacted my clients and me by helping us recognise we often live from the outside in. For me, this was living my life based on others’ perceptions of how I should behave.

We can be addicted to anything from stress, work, attention, and food to recreational drug use. Addiction is a temporary fix to take us where we naturally want to be, in a state of peace, harmony and alignment with our natural state of being, through the body, mind and spirit.

I believe we are all working to return to our natural state—happy, calm and peaceful. I work with you to help you grow and find peace and joy in the moment.

Book your first session today, and we will work at your pace to find solutions to take you where you want to be.